How to Meditate (Hint: It's Not Stopping Your Thoughts)🙏
“What the hell do I do?”
My friend replied, exchanging a question for a question. “What is stopping you from meditating,” I’d asked him. Research has proven the benefits of meditation. It lowers stress, increases focus, improves relationships, and strengthens the immune system.
Before answering my friend’s burning question, let’s identify what meditation is and more importantly, what it’s not. Meditation is not stopping your thoughts or changing who you are or expecting a specific outcome. Mindfulness meditation is being with the present moment, non-judgmentally, a state of awareness we rarely embody. Breaking down meditation further, it means we are not trying to be different than who we are now, but become aware of what it is already true in this moment. And being a friend to ourselves in the process because, dangit, it can be hard. When we are mindful, we show up for lives not wishing it to be different.
Swami Rama wrote, “Meditation teaches you to attend to what is taking place within without reacting, and this makes all the difference. It brings you freedom from the mind, distinct from your mental turmoil. You have given yourself an inner vacation.” We all deserve a vacation.
Back to the burning question, what the hell do I do during meditation?
Sit comfortably, preferably upright, in the same place each day, and follow your breath on each inhale and exhale.
For how profound it is, it’s easy. For how simple it is, it takes effort. Thoughts intervene without asking. The body resists the stillness. Meditation requires effort but not so much that it’s strenuous.
Perhaps your mind will resist as if the stillness of your body inversely speeds up your mind. It may bribe you with boredom. Or frazzle you with frustration. Or taunt you with to-dos.
It’s not a reason to not meditate. It’s the reason to meditate.
Have you ever noticed a day when the sky was blue except for of a clump of clouds? When thoughts come up, imagine them as clouds. Let them pass as fast as they roll by. In between the clouds are patches of bright blue sky, the vast calm of your being. Gently bring your attention back to your breath in between the gaps of thoughts. As your practice deepens, the time between thoughts will increase, and you will sink into calm for long moments. But don’t worry if the gap is a millisecond because an imperfect mindfulness practice will profoundly change your brain.
How do I know if I’m meditating?
Is your attention focused inwardly on the present moment?
When your attention drifts to dinner plans, do you notice it?
Are you gentle and non-judgmental when you realize your mind has drifted?
After noticing your drifted mind, do you come back to your breath?
Do you meditate the next day despite struggling to do the above?
Congrats, you have a meditation practice. To strengthen it is simple: keep practicing meditation.
Someone I know
….aka me
Something to consider
Me vs. Buddha. I confess there’s more than one way we differ. I look like the Michelin Man when I meditate. A cushion under me. A pillow behind me. Two pillows under my knees. Is this how Buddha sat? No. Can it get me through an hour of mediation without numbing my right ankle? Yes. We can work our way to the bare floor together. Until then, be comfortable.
Something to ponder
As someone who devotes their career to caring for the dying, we ought to listen to Koshin Paley Ellison.
“People who are dying always remind me: ‘I can’t believe I wasn’t here for most of my life.’ That’s one of the most common things I hear, and the biggest regrets. Many people have not inhabited their life because they’re just waiting for other moments. Are we waiting for life to happen in the midst of life? How can we give ourselves fully to our lives, moment to moment? Don’t wait. Life is always right here.”
Koshin Paley Ellison, Co-Founder of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care
Something to watch
“We spend more time taking care of our cars than our minds,” says Andy Puddicombe, a mindfulness expert, in this powerful Ted talk.
